Hello Kitties

The Cougar. A reality show on Cable TV and by modern definition, she is often a professional woman, usually 15 or so years older than her young prey, generally attractive and well preserved, could also be categorized as a MILF, has the energy and verve of a woman half her age, and the appetite for fresh meat often reserved for her male counterparts. She is parodied on SNL, secretly admired by many and hated on by her younger female competitors, who are often threatened by her sexual power which is nothing more than her confidence which she wears like a badge of honor.

Madonna, Hulk Hogan's ex, Sharon Stone, Vivica Fox--all cougars and proud. They give those of us who may have been closeted cougars the big thumbs up, and make us feel that we aren't sad and desperate old women who should stick to men our own age. That there is nothing wrong with liking who you like and getting with whomever turns you on.

I think as a woman gets older and becomes more comfortable with who she is, she lets go of standards set by someone else to define and determine who and what she is, who and what she should like and how she truly views and values her true self. An older woman, is often not looking for a man with whom she can have kids, she usually has raised them already and may be looking to send them off to college. An older woman is often not looking to settle down and set up a home like her younger counterparts. She has a home of her own and wants to have the bed to herself-- except when she has a boy (toy) sleepover. The older woman is under no pressure to give her mother grand kids, often doesn't equate a guy having sex with her as proof that the guy likes her, and because there is less pressure, the sex is often more pleasurable, more intense, more satisfying and satiating. It is what it is. Unless you were an insecure, ball busting, control freak as a young woman, an older woman is more confident, relaxed and free, and the connection, I believe, is more genuine and easy.

What are the perils of May-December hookups? For the cougar--that you may get stuck with a blubbering, whiny love sick thunderkitten who wants to marry you, move in and follow you around til the end of time. That's why you left your whiny, blubbering love sick husband or same- age boyfriend!
For the thundercat--that you will turn into a blubbering, whiny, love sick thunderkitten who can't understand why your "old lady" won't return your calls or text you back in the middle of her client-filled day. And what did she mean when she said it wasn't going anywhere? Did she mean she wasn't going anywhere? The good loving she gives you wasn't going anywhere? Or that you should slow down during sex and not hump on her like a wild spider monkey because "it" wasn't going anywhere? On the up side--you'll both enjoy a great relationship, filled with fun, laughter, good times, down days and make up sex like any other normal relationship between two people who like and respect one another. Nothing wrong with that, at any age!

Looks like it's story time. So, you're minding your own business on a Saturday night when the last thing on your mind is the fact that you're alone again on a Saturday night. By some random coincidence, you look up and bam--a nice piece of eye candy. Smooth skin, great smile, tight butt, broad shoulders, chiseled arms and a spark in his eye that pumped the life back into that old beaten up heart of yours. You straighten up, don't think twice about the fact that you haven't been this nervous around a penis in-- dare we say: 2 years, and you immediately hope and pray that he somehow feels the same way too about your over 40+ year-old behind and will get up the nerve to contact you. And he does. On a social network no doubt, along with Pookie from Oz and taco-meat-chest-hair Bob looking for a hook up on the down low. Jeez. Do you even know how to text other than "I'm stuck in a cab start the meeting without me"? And so the somewhat sordid, some would say salacious, story begins of your May-December thundercat chase. Be warned--this is not for the faint of heart or you who think that every thundercat is an Ashton Kutcher clone. The average young man is perhaps an Ashton in the making, but it will require time, patience and did I mention time--which you may not have. Not because you're old(er), but because you're a busy, worldly person and time is the last thing you have to teach a boy how to treat a woman. (Remember that's why you left the husband and your last same-age boyfriend?!) But if you take the time (like you hope he will when he finally gets up the nerve to rev your engine)--you just might be surprised to find him open and flexible, sensitive and kind and often deeper and far less ornery than the old crusty coots you've been ignoring on that less than harmonious dating site you've been trolling through. So, in other words, like you want your young man to be patient, patience is what you should learn to have as well. The payoff could be well worth the wait.

And for you thundercats, don't be lazy and let go of old scripts and notions that relationships are all about a poke and a smoke, that a woman might catch feelings (if not a disease) if you give her the business (wink, wink), and that somehow your friendship will be ruined if you cross the line. What line? Who says there is a line? Who says there are rules in love and relationships? Who says intimacy can only be achieved through some physical act or DNA swapping? Learn to go with the flow and follow your heart and the head on your shoulders, not below your belt. You may be surprised what you might find.

Next time on the Thundercat Chronicles: You've chased each other, now what? Do's and Don'ts of thundercat dating.

Meow kitties...