As promised, some tips on making it through the sometimes tepid and, often, treacherous waters of May-December dating.
Last time, we went over this new age communications thing: texting. It has many terms--IMing, pinging, texting, flirtexting and sexting. We'll get into the latter one at another time.
Cougars-- We understand that not too long ago, when we had land lines, answering machines, beepers, simple emailing and pen and paper even, reaching out and touching someone was simple. Checking to see if Mr. Goodbar had called was simple. Getting a read on his interest was all about body language, mood rings and whopping 14 hour .15cts a minute phone bills. Now in the day of instant gratification, short attention spans, e-cards, email breakups and dare we say illiteracy (who do you know reads and writes letters?)--the rules are different and somewhat as simple as the young boy you're trying to call your (boy)friend.
When a thundercat, or cougar hunter (more on this breed later), steps to you and asks for your number--as he punches it into his cellphone or gets it via email (learn how to do this, read that manual your phone came with or ask the teenager locked up in that room in your house you pay for, to help)--make sure you give him permission to text or IM you. If you don't have instant chat capabilities or an account, take 5 minutes to set one up. The delayed response time it cuts out from unsent and slow emails is awesome, and when you move to flirtexting, it can add to the moment--if you know what I mean.
Say more than "hi" when you do get that text. Just like in normal face-to-face conversation, keep the flow going. Now you may not be familiar with text talk and abbreviations. Don't be mad or ashamed (or like most grown folks, pissed because the fool can't spell), just a sign of the times and who you're trying to hook up with. Now if he should talk to you like this all the time, it may be time to re-evaluate the situation and find yourself a better breed of thundercat. Maybe you dipped too far back in the cage. Those still needing their mother's milk, may be a bit too young!
When he texts--text back as soon as you can and within a few hours, not days, if you're interested. And if he doesn't hit you back right away, don't spazz and go all Amber-alert on him, his phone may have died, he may be in class, at a job that does not allow for the same phone freedom as yours and, or, he may be trying to call you. Don't freak out. Enjoy the texting.
And get creative with it. Who doesn't enjoy a ping in the middle of a boring meeting or day? A simple reminder of the spontaneity a thundercat may bring to your otherwise routine life. Return the favor and let him know you're thinking of him. Hell ask him out or over. Be flirtatious and bold, that's why he likes you. You're over the young, insecure girl game playing, remember?
Now here are some important tips: if he only text past 10Pm, your flirtexter is looking for a hook up-or as we called them-- booty call. Or he may have a cheap evenings-free-after-9pm plan, have another texter on the side, have a curfew or just not be right for you. Move on. Have some dignity. There are plenty of other thunderkittens in the litter. Remember you do the hunting.
And last one--don't TUI--text under the influence. Like drunk dialing. Not cute. You may regret that text in the morning, or it may show up on someone's twitter page.
Now for you thundercats--go easy on your cougar. Remember this is not some young girl you're used to toying with, and although she may act timid and Uber cool, it's only to make you feel ten feet taller than you are. Grown women know how to out think men, of any age. Period. So don't get to thinking that because she lets you take charge and flex those hard muscles of yours, or she may have short term memory lapses, it's because she's headed for the Geritol and ginkgo jar or geriatric ward. She's got more on her mind that you can imagine and has forgotten more than you'll ever know. Trust. She doesn't miss a trick. But do teach her and take the time to show her what you know. She'll be impressed, flattered and grow closer to you on an emotional and intellectual level. A way to a grown woman's heart is not through the part that splits apart. Don't break her heart by failing to recognize she has both a heart and a brain. Hell, that goes for your same age relationships too. So teach her and get her over her technophobia. She just might beat you at Halo and Madden!
Your abbreviated self--TUI, TMI, DUI, DIY. Let's start with TUI--no texting under the influence. No grown woman wants to be hit up after you've been out with your buddies and you've hit on some young perky- breasted chick you find shallow, only to get a text or call at 2am that clearly says in your awkward young boy way, that you miss her and think she's more beautiful than your Mom. Remember--she's not your Mom. She's a M.I.L.F (!) Big difference. Flattered for a quick minute, but unlike a younger woman, she doesn't find it cute that you like her more than that PYT you just finished telling your boys you'd like to bag. There' no comparison. Call her cocky, but she's a cougar and confident. Don't forget it.
TMI: too much information. Cougars love to hear the details of your day and life, but frankly some things are just too much. Plus you need to mind what you say. She knows you want to have 3 or 4 kids. But think about it. She may not want or can have 3 or 4 kids. She may want to give you a child, but simply can't. That may hurt her on many levels. Make her withdraw a bit. Doesn't mean you can't share your hopes and dreams with her, your secrets and desires. Just think how she may feel or react to certain things that just come shooting out of your mouth in the name of honesty and sharing. Sometimes you have to remember the age difference, and where you both are on your journeys. This may also have her thinking about how short term your relationship is really destined to be. Beyond the physical, what is there? Just something to think about. Doesn't have to put a damper on things or change how the two of you feel or move forward. Just gotta be real. Like keeping it real about the number of folks you've slept with. Don't share too much or too little and don't embellish. Again. A grown woman knows.
DUI- driving under the influence should not be done under any circumstances, but "driving" under the influence is also a no-no. Maybe you need a bit of the ole confidence juice, or some happy pills to get your stick shift in gear, but nothing worse that one that's stuck in reverse or on "S" for soft. Just like going too fast, soft ain't sexy. Please, man-up for your old lady. Don't be nervous and look for courage in a bottle. She'll take it easy on you, and perhaps if you don't pass out from the awesome monkey sex the two of you have, you'll remember the moment. Drunk sex is worst than sloppy seconds.
DIY--get it together or leave it alone. If you're trying to get with a cougar, she's feeling you and you're feeling her, go for it or she'll move on. DIY- stands for: do it yourself. Too many kittens in the shelter and too many toys for the asking. Cougars need no man to take them to their happy place. Having you present just makes for a better time and something to share with her fellow cougars, or over texting. Think how pleased you'll be to get those pings in the middle of the afternoon. Sheer delight.
Next time: the different breeds of thundercats and cougars.
Until then, happy hunting. Meow...
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